The start

Just...Fyi... This blog isn't going to be cutesy, or sweet, I am too much of an asshole to be that way with anyone but my widdle tough guy turtle squish face. Be you warned. This blog will be something I wish someone had put together for me to read. Slowly I'll take you from the beginning of this wonky rollercoaster to where we are now. Believe you me, having a kid is a rollercoaster ride, but just when you think you are cresting that major hill, anticipating that drop for some release it just keeps on climbing until you are pretty sure this wonky rollercoaster ride is one you won't make it off of.

There are certain rules that are going to be laid out for you here that I will definitely add to as we move along. These truths I have come to hold self evident through the beginning of my surprise pregnancy and until now.

To catch you up Travis and I have made it through my pregnancy with Jack, and counting the collective days since he was born on Nov. 3rd, and we haven't killed him, and he hasn't killed us. Surprisingly it takes a lot to actually die from lack of sleep.

When I first found out I was pregnant I was in Las Vegas. Comically enough I was in the City of Sin and I felt like doing nothing but sitting in my room. I had no definable reason for feeling so crappy but I felt bloated and weird and tired. I figured I was just having a hard time dealing with everything that was going on in my life and maybe I was starting my period... which was supposed to be there a while ago but my periods were always crazy so it never mattered for me to mark it on a calendar because my body was never a punctual sort of behaving body like you hear about in places like the Young Adult section of Borders or the MTV. It was ok though because Vegas wasn't really my bag, I like to play cards but not for money, I rarely stay awake long enough to feel drunk, the food was good but not worth the wait it took to get in most places and I am not much for walking aimlessly or chatting up transvestites on the sidewalk.

It was when we were driving back to Phoenix, AZ over the Hoover Dam, sitting in the obnoxious traffic reading aloud from the website "Texts From Last Night" that it hit me that I might be pregnant. I don't know if it was the crappy fast food chicken strips I had kept down or reading about the drunken mishaps of college girls and boys my age but it hit me. I waited a couple more days before taking a test but didn't smoke or drink at all just in case. I finally was convinced after a late night of work when there were only a couple girls I knew left in the building. We took a break from the cubes to run to Walgreen's. I remember peeing on the stick thinking nothing of it, I was wondering what I was going to order from the Chinese food restaurant I was going to be visiting later that evening.

I remember holding the test eye level to read the tiny letters, it was one of those expensive digital ones, and it said PREGNANT in all caps.

I peed on the other one in the pack (it's cute they come in multiples). PREGNANT. Gaining in hysteria I peed on the other brands we had bought, PREGNANT, I would have peed on my cell phone if it would have given me a negative reading.

I remember when I waited a couple more days and avoided Travis at all costs. Up until this point he and I had had one rocky relationship. We had seven years under our belts of offs and ons, a six month break here, a year here, a retry here, a drunken I miss you phone call and back together there, we just couldn't seem to get rid of each other. For the previous months we were just "Taking It Slow" and only speaking to each other rarely, dating, trying again and it was going fabulous.

I was scared shitless. When I called him over he knew immediately I was acting weird and kept pressing for what was going on even through all my fake smiling. I told him I had something big, real big to tell him. And he looked scared, got wide eyed and asked meekly, like he was about to get burned after he posed his question, if I had herpes.

I laughed and got serious, said no, and told him that I was pregnant. Before he could answer I blurted IFYOUDONTWANTTOBEHERETHROUGHTHISITSFINEJUSTTELL

MENOWSOICANPREPAREDON'TWORRYICANDO ITALONEJUSTTELLME- and he interrupted and said "That's it? I am so glad you don't have herpes."

And gave me a hug and reaffirmed that it would be fine, and we would be ok.

So then we started on this crazy ride, and fuck if we didn't have one damn bit of an idea of how hard it would be.